Sadness

We all face the chasm of sadness that leaves us perched on an edge yearning for lost connectivity.  Yet sometimes that loss is such despair we withdraw even from the edge of the abyss even into greater depths of darkness.  Events trigger memories of failures, pain and despair.  Tears sting our eyes, our throat clutches upon itself and shudders of the body rack us with somatic sadness.  Triggers of these events are simple or profound.  Leaving after a happy gathering is one of my triggers.  Such good times followed by a rapid descent into the chasm.  The first plummet into this hole breaks the sound barrier.  It is so rapid and unexpected that it is only realized as the light fades to dusk.
What is this life?  What is this consciousness that bids me existence.  Why does it torture me so when I could have bliss.  My egocentric memories blame, accuse and fault me on my path; bad father, bad husband  bad searcher of the truth.  I have done nothing right and am constantly assailed by my weaknesses and lack of vision.  What is the purpose of this consciousness inside me?  Torture or just as some others have said, "God experiencing His creation through us."  Well then the tough question; Why doesn't he leave me alone and experience it through someone else and rid me of this unhappiness.  Meditation, exercise, reading, praying, alcohol, smoking, sex; does any of these help or last?  Why is joy, bliss and happiness so ephemeral and temporary?
We face an uncertain life with uncertain abilities and outcomes.  There is no control   There are just leaves of humanity in the divine wind and we are it's victims.  The whims of the divine decide fate.  The authors say we are responsible for the life we have.  Bullshit.  I did not choose to be born. If I did choose then why was the memory of my choosing wiped from my mind? I am a victim of this life chosen for me. There is no answer other than "I Am."  That is it.  I just am, I exist.  Big whoop... There is no value in this life between a divinely created life and a rock.  There is no difference. Both are acted upon by the elements that they did not wish nor did they choose to be created to be eventually pummeled into dust.
Nothing grows forever. We lie to ourselves when we say we go on, because we do not.  There is death, the final curtain call and you are no more. We romanticize our eternal existence because we are afraid that is all.  It does not matter what religion you have there is no final salvation from death.  The body dies and the ego dies.  What you defined as self is dead.  You/I died.
The all power divine universe; can you show me I am wrong?  Can you build love and connection to my loved ones?  Can you ease the pain of relationships?  Can you even understand the simple life of just one human or have you grown so grand that you are out of touch? I think you cannot and will not heed a personal call.......

We have a common enemy; regret, resentment and and psychodynamic inertial lag.  These enemies are unlike any computer program that we can just change the software or OS and have a new life.  What is it about epiphany or "perfect moment"s and spiritual awakenings that are able to lam-blast the cobwebs of negativity right out of the mind?  Too many times we struggle and fight to push hard against "the forces of darkness" only to feel ourselves being dragged yet once again slowly, methodically into the dark pit of complacency. The allegory of the old prop planes come to mind.
These planes had to manually have there propellers spun until they "kicked in."  Radio controlled gasoline engines are the same way.  There has to be a mechanical or electrical spark from outside the system that activates the ignition for the engine to begin to fire and catch life. Unfortunately we are not like that, or are we?
When we read something we are inspired.  When we watch a great performance tears comes to our eyes.  When a deed that touches our heart occurs we are "moved."  Where did we move too?  Closer to the source or closer to being able to spin our own prop?  We , in our culture and society, appreciate the "self starters."  Those individuals who can turn up their own heat.  Motivated from an internal locus of control to push harder, jump higher, think deeply.  How is this done?
Energetics and physics may provide the clue.  The simple explanation is usually the correct one according to Occam's Razor. The kitchen is a good place to start.  We increase energy into a batter or a dough and the nature of the product becomes altered. However, it is "dose related."  There is a tipping point to the final outcome.  We cannot bake a cake for 25 minutes and expect it to be the same finished product as if we baked it to 50 minutes.  There has not been enough energy input to achieve transformation.  This is the same for us.
If we want to truly transform we must be patient but persistence.  Always seeking new growth potentials, new ideas, new venues that will aid in motivating us to charge forward.  Eventually we too will reach our critical mass and we transform, evolve and grow.  Never should we neglect the opportunity to seek out those activities that will spin our props and ignite our engine to life so we may fly!!!

Listening Loudly

Listening loudly is the term I use for active listening AND THEN synthesizing the information into a new delivery system but more importantly acting on the words you have heard or read.  After listening to Brene' Brown's interview on www.goodlifeproject.com I am inspired to continue synthesizing the material that I have learned from her and others to motivate myself and others to continue to progress forward in my evolution.
We are all synthesizers of information.  Like the myriad of songs, new theories, accurate theories, of human behavior will continue to "show us the way."  Creativity is paramount in evolution and as Brene' Brown calls it, Daring Greatly is one of the first steps. Seafarers went forward to prove the Earth was round and not flat to the superstitious, ignorant ridicule of others. Many others have wilted in the face of criticism and yet others  like Drake and Magellan did what no others before had accomplished and shared their experiences.  We too must be the explorers  of the new vista that stretch us to grow.  To challenge our own boundaries and reach beyond the stars to that which is not the stars.  There is always a beyond the beyond.
By being vulnerable we can and are courageous.  We do not need to circumnavigate the globe.  Sometimes just trying something new allows us to be vulnerable, then courageous and grow.  Learning to feel and let go brings compassion.  We understand pain but are able to move forward against it, again quoting Brene' Brown, "Leaning into the discomfort."  The unknown is scary, there is no guarantee of success. Brian Tracy, an achievement psychologist used to say that the average millionaire failed 18 times before striking it rich.
Failing 18 times is brave and courageous knowing that each attempt may lead to failure.  Edison failed 1000s of times before reaching success to invent something that almost everyone in the world has more than 1 of in their homes; the light bulb.
Challenging the emotions we have in us is the issue.  Getting the information to challenge ourselves to complete a project is easy.  Garnering the will force to go through with the project is the key.  If we Dare Greatly, open ourselves to failure(vulnerability) then whether we win or lose the project, we gain strength.  Each time we challenge the ego's hold(fears) we break its unrealistic grip on our lives.  If fears were real we would all have the same ones.  This supposition is just not true.
The greatest fight or peace treaty we will EVER face is on the battleground of our ego.

Time to choose.....

Where are we not going today?  What does that mean; where are we NOT going today?

There are choices in this life especially when we have the right tools.  Tools these days that lead to spiritual awakening are books, conferences, TED talks, personal experience and the like.  The words we read or hear become alive and we choose to use them like we would a pair of great fitting shoes.  We put them on and then start down our path.  What resilience you have , I now believe, is the courage to face ANY issue with happiness, vulnerability and "love."  Maybe metta, the word for loving kindness, is the most appropriate term.
I have believed all along that our mental states are a choice as well as the concomitant emotional states.  Science, research, etc. have told us that we cannot have an emotional response without first having a cognitive event.  We need to think about something then depending on our erroneous definition, that we chose, we react. We have become victims of things and how we relate to them.  Money will make me happy.  A new dress will make me happy, my child recovering from a terminal illness will make me happy.  If only this were true.  We choose to be happy because we think we define those things that make us happy and then GIVE them the mystical power to do so.  We react instead of act.  We respond instead of acting from within.  How many allegories do we need to understand the authors when they say,

Invictus 

by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

We all pale in front of our own egos and make them the scared, demanding masters  they are in this life.  We put them on the pedestal because we are afraid to be vulnerable.  But with the works and books of Michael A. Singer, Brene' Brown and others we can learn to be open and vulnerable.  We can be happy and courageous because of the paradox that exists in this life.  In the Bible; The meek shall inherit the Earth.  Sun Tzu, The best way to strengthen a position is to attack a position.
What person knows the strength of Gandhi?  Buddha?  Jesus?  All great incarnations understand strength comes through vulnerability because it provides courage.  If there is no ego to protect the possibilities are endless.
Today is the day we choose to be happy.  We choose to be vulnerable. Because today when we choose these we are not ourselves and our egos; we are invincible. 

Exercise profiteth little...oh really?

We are a society inundated with information.  Technology has brought us many tools, ideas, wisdom across the expanses of time and space that seemingly came from nowhere.  However, there is a problem or opportunity for growth.  The way in which we understand happiness and use wealth to reach that goal.  Even in this statement we are accosted by maladies of incorrect perception.
We cannot reach happiness as a goal, place of being or state.  Happiness is a choice; an operating system per se'.  No amount of purchases will make us happy, but money does make most of us more of who we are in this life.
It does not matter how many TED talks we listen to.  It does not matter how many books we have read on love, compassion, wisdom or happiness unless we change our mind and behavior.  Awareness is a key.  But bolstering that awareness with action solidifies the mind.
In the movie Evan Almighty, the lead character is asked by "God", "If you want to be more loving does God wave a magic wand around you and make you feel all warm and fuzzy or does He give you more opportunities to be loving?"  There in lies the secret of life.  We are being provided opportunities of growth and development to aid our desire of the consciousness of the universe that desires growth, change and ever present evolution.
Again, we change the world not by changing the world but by changing ourselves and the way we see the world.  Neurobiology tells us that by acting in a way the mind changes and brings about mental changes.  This is measured out quite well in the lab.  Amy Cuddy in her work on body language shows that if we do "power poses" such as hands on the hips, reclined in a chair with our fingers interlaced behind our heads our cortisol levels drop and our testosterone levels rise after just 2 minutes!  2 Minutes to change your perception and those around you!  The mind body connection goes both ways.
The next time you think you can lie down to meditate think again.  Are you telling yourself to go into sleep/oblivion or are you telling the mind/body to search for enlightenment/awareness. Don't trust me, test the positions and feel/see which one provides you with more "calm."

We are killing our world with our thoughts

We are all on a collision course with the destruction of our planet caused by ourselves.  Yes, we are responsible for the sickness and potential death of our planet.  How are we doing this you might ask?  We are thinking it to death.  This thinking is driven by fear and that fear is the fear of change and wanting things to be predictable, calm, steady and peaceful outwardly.
We want people to be like us so we can be comfortable with ourselves.  That's right, we want to be comfortable with ourselves.  How is it possible for those we do not know to project dislike of themselves to our mind.  It is not possible of course. We want them to be just like us so we may connect with them.
However we fail in the face of the biggest advertising billboard in history, the planet Earth.
The Earth and nature in particular is neither regularly predictable  safe, calm or peaceful.  The paradox is we, as human animals, are acting outside of nature.  Despite our attempts to conquer and control our environment we are losing the battle.  This battle is all a projection of our own mental/mind states where we want control, have peace and understanding by dominating those things outside of us.  We fail to heed the call of the philosophers of the past.  "Strength is understanding others.  True power is understanding the self."  We are failing in general but there are many bright stars attempting to wake us up and show us the light. We do not understand by changing our minds and the way we perceive things is the way we change what we see.  The world does not change and we change but instead we change and the world changes back to the harmonious flow of nature. It is a love relationship we have forgotten.  In love we give then we get.  We don't wait to get and then give. Nature is not necessarily peaceful, calm and constant but alive, dynamic and growing.  So long we have nurtured our way of life and failed to look at the larger landscape of the cosmos.
It is time to change our paths.  Those paths most focus on what nature knew all along; diversity.  The health of the system will fail if we do not inoculate this world with love, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and creativity for all things sentient or not.  Too long we have attempted to make humans into biological automotrons following algorithms of behavior in society. We have attempted to master nature. We follow this path not to freedom but to the constantly narrowing gorge that leads to the grave. From conglomerations monopolizing products to nursing following pathways to protect employers from lawsuits or the profit margin.  We have given up on creative humans EXCEPT the ones who will provide us more peace, calm, constancy and money.  Until this changes we will all suffer and die from our own ignorance.  Change your mind and we change the world.  But maybe it isn't change the world but rejoin the Earth on its path of growth and evolution.

Change your mind and change the world

Oncology patients have been given the gift of facing mortality.  Do we on the outside see this facing mortality as a gift or a curse?  Do we live in avoidance and denial of the simple fact that we all start to die the instant we are born? For the oncology/cancer patient, life's greatest mystery perhaps, is made paramount in their phenomenologic field. Also the prospect of suffering of the mind, body and soul will come into play and usually present with profound fear.  Yes, as the Buddha says "Life is suffering."  But here too it really depends if you see this as an opportunity or a curse. Life just is and how we define life defines how we see death.
The most loving, attentive patients are those with cancer knowing they have the knowledge they will "die before their time." So what are these patients looking at that provides an insight into the reality of life that makes it more than worthwhile? Priorities.
Once the impact of the fear drifts away like so many thoughts during meditation they begin to appreciate all the things they took for granted. Instead of the sun coming up, it becomes the rapturous awakening of a new day resplendent with colors, sounds, aromas, feelings and the people around them.  Gone are the worries of things.  What can we learn from these wonderful people who as Rudolph Steiner in his Anthroposophic view would tell you, chose this life to provide others with service opportunities and to be teachers.
Can we choose a new life, a new direction?  Yes, there are so many tools but again we must make them a priority. Choosing a new direction for your life is a choice not a happenstance. It is like the character in the movie The Way.  Emilio Estevez is talking to his real life father Martin Sheen and says, "You don't choose a life, you live one."." Change the mind and the world changes.  It is similar to when we give you get.  We have never been successful waiting to get then we give.  This is a paradox.  We give when the well spring of our life feels empty and it will be filled.  Any person who volunteers can tell you loving and giving fill you with warmth faster than any personal enrichment experience they have ever been through.
There is some work to be done.  Again there is a paradox that must be addressed.  We need to dig into ourselves and do some "unwork" to what we think about reality.  We change the mind in order to change the world. As the Taoists point out, "True self is no self."  If we have no predilections of who we are we are able to see indeed who we really are in this world. Help abounds around us from Brene' Brown to Eckhart Tolle to Shawn Achor. According to them and experientially evidenced by this writer is that we train our minds to see, think and do according to the life we choose. "It is not what you think you see.  it is what you THINK you see."
Lessons from Shawn Achor include mediation, exercise and gratitude.  From Brene Brown it is a life facing vulnerability and "I am enough."  For Eckhart Tolle it is the power of now.  We all need to live in the lives in front of us and not in our heads.  Our minds are clogged with debris from childhood, adolescence and young adulthood.  We spend 21 years of our life finding out who we thought we were only to spend the next 60 years undoing the damage. It is time to love, live and be whole using the myriad of tools that are available to us.  My oncology patients hear me tell this too them everyday.  Live now, live well and the rest does not matter.  Today is today and that is all that matters.